Sorry, I didn't light that candle

“I wish that you lit a candle at Notre Dame for Gigi to go on having a great life even when I am gone”.

He was not my patient.

He was my best friend, my brother-in-law.

He's been out of the hospital for a short period.

I remember that late evening where he was feeling a bit better and had asked to go for a walk by the Seine River near Notre Dame.

It was late December 2015 and Paris was still wearing its shimmering Christmas dress and gorgeous jewels.

It was a chilly, beautiful night and both the Seine and Notre Dame were glowing with that December light which gives its magic and uniqueness to the “Île de la cite” Paris.

My sister and her husband lived not very far from Notre Dame and the stroll by the Seine River was the only short walk that Hamou could manage.

When we got to Notre Dame esplanade, I made sure that we both got a seat since Hamou was already exhausted by the very short walk.

We started chatting and I talked about different possible plans for the new year's party to take place.

My sister being a medical doctor knew that her husband’s declining health would not allow him to enjoy the big typical new year's eve party.

That evening my sister was tied up and I wanted to have Hamou’s feedback regarding his wishes for New Year’s Eve.

Hamou who used to be the planner and the life of any party we have enjoyed with family and friends seemed completely detached and not interested at all.

I asked him if he wished for something else instead. After all, no need for a big party, a family dinner with only the three of us would do.

He looked at me barely able to hold his tears back and said:

“I wish that you lit a candle at Notre Dame for Gigi to go on having a great life even when I am gone”

I did my best not to break into tears and said with a shaky voice “Hey stupid what kind of prayer is this?”

He hugged me and said:

“No reason for crying partner. It is a gorgeous, misty night”.

“Is it raining” he added “or is it only the fog in our eyes”.

I hugged him back very tightly and couldn't stop crying because we both knew that he was dying of a brain cancer.

On New Year’s Eve Hamou was admitted to the hospital. He was in a coma.

Hamou passed away on March 5, 2016.

My sister Gigi had lost the love of her life and she's been a total wreck since.

Sorry I didn't light that candle.

I didn't do it only because I couldn't bear the thought of losing my best friend.

RIP my dear friend, I really miss you.

Amina Chentouf

The Author is passionate about Art and Interior Design. She studied Law and Economics

majoring in Business. She is a former small business owner.